Guide to: Substitute Teachers and The New Kid
Seasons 2
Director Joe Menendez
Previous Episode Guide to: Dares and Bad Habits
Next Episode Guide to: Valentine's Day and School Websites

"Guide to: Substitute Teachers and The New Kid" is a season 2 episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.


Part 1: Substitute Teachers

Ned helps Mr. Wiener, his favorite sub who saved him thrice from the girls' bathroom, be funny and accepted by the class. Cookie is asked by Crubbs to take attendance in social studies and take the class through a review sheet, as he has eight teachers out sick that day. Cookie is surprised that the class does what he says. Moze has a substitute in science class who Moze knows won't be teaching a thing. Doris lies to the sub and says they're supposed to study snacks outside in the snack area. However, since she's on Sweeney's "don't listen to" list, the sub doesn't believe her. Moze backs her up and the class gets to slack off.

Moze does the same thing the following science class. Cookie hacks into the school computers, puts his name under the substitutes and subs a sixth grade class. At some point, he subs for Moze's science class, and they pelt him with dodgeballs. Ned tries to get Mr. Wiener to sing more songs directed at middle school students, but that doesn't work. But he finds out he can make the students laugh and goes in that direction.

When Mr. Sweeney comes back, he announces there will be a test on the material they were supposed to learn while he was out, and adds Moze to his "don't listen to" list. Cookie gets busted by Crubbs for subbing without a teaching license


  • Tip#574.35RD - The teacher will return, so keep up with the lessons.

Part 2: The New Kid

There's a new kid at Polk, Bernice, who's very tough and seems very aggressive. Ned helps her get used to Polk, and accidentally becomes her boyfriend. Cookie pretends to be a new British kid in his new class, but he finds out there's another British student, Nigel, and becomes nervous, not wanting to get caught. Gordy introduced Moze to his assistant, Jack, who declares he will work hard enough to become head custodian. Moze inadvertently starts a School Cleaning Olympics between Jack and Gordy, where the winner will be head custodian.

Ned tries to break up with Bernice by saying he has three girlfriends, namely the Huge Crew. However, the Huge Crew takes a liking to Bernice and ask her to join Club Ned. In Cookie's new class, the British kid, Nigel, realizes he's fake. Cookie later finds out that Nigel was also faking, and that he's from Ohio.

At the School Cleaning Olympics, it appears that Jack wins, but Crubbs declares Gordy the winner since he spent his race putting the students first. Ned talks to Bernice and finds out that she's been to three different school in the last few years and changes her persona in every school. She says deep down, she's really a nose-picking math geek. So Ned tells her to go hang out with Albert Wormenheimer. At the end, the trio helps another fake British kid dressed up like Harry Potter into the school.


  • Tip#177.34 - Introduce yourself.
  • Tip#917.CAL - Ask (or give) directions to class.
  • Tip#709.5fdd - Make a new kid lunch date a must.
  • Tip#100.mm5 - Be yourself, you'll make new friends.


Guest starring



  • The song that plays during the "cleaning Olympics" sounds very similar to the Green Day song "St. Jimmy". It even has the same chord progression in some places.
  • Marc Weiner references Moby-Dick, singing "Now I've got a little lick about a whale named dick."
  • Puppeteer/comedian Marc Weiner hosted his own show on Nickelodeon, called Weinerville, from 1993 to 1997.

Season 2 Episodes
Guide to: The New Semester and ElectivesGuide to: Pep Rallies and LunchGuide to: School Clubs and Video ProjectsGuide to: Notebooks and MathGuide to: Vice Principals and MondaysGuide to: Your Body and ProcrastinationGuide to: Gross Biology Dissection and UpperclassmenGuide to: Dares and Bad HabitsGuide to: Substitute Teachers and The New KidGuide to: Valentine's Day and School WebsitesGuide to: Shyness and NicknamesGuide to: Asking Someone Out and RecyclingGuide to: April Fool's Day and ExcusesGuide to: Secrets and School Car WashGuide to: Spirit Week and ClothesGuide to: Yearbook and Career WeekGuide to: Music Class and Class ClownGuide to: Failing and TutorsGuide to: Science Fair and Study HallGuide to: Double Dating and The Last Day
Season 1Season 3

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