Guide to: Secrets and School Car Wash
Seasons 2
Director David Kendall
Previous Episode Guide to: April Fool's Day and Excuses
Next Episode Guide to: Spirit Week and Clothes
"Guide to: Secrets and School Car Wash" is a season 2 episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.


Part 1: Secrets

Ned sees a boy with sunglasses come out of the girls' room. Then he sees Loomer kissing Missy even though he's dating Suzie. But when Loomer finds out that Ned knows, he chases him down the hall. Ned tells Cookie, and plans to tell Suzie so she'll dump Loomer. However, Loomer threatens to beat up Ned and Cookie if they tell. He likes Suzie because she's smart and pretty and he likes Missy because she has a pool. Loomer says he won't have to choose between the two girls so long as Ned and Cookie keep quiet. Ned is about to tell Moze but Loomer is watching him, so he doesn't. Ned tries to find a way for Suzie to find out without them having to tell her.

Moze partners up with Seth for a history project. Mr. Wright says the material can be found in their textbooks, so Moze says they should divide up the readings. Seth says she could do the readings while he raps for their report. Moze tells him to get reading, but he looks a little weird while he does. Loomer sees one of his cronies go into the Sewing Club, and confronts him. Cookie covers for him, saying he was delivering fabric for him. Loomer teases Cookie then leaves. Cookie tells Loomer's crony to tell Loomer the truth. Ned tries to get Missy to tell Suzie she kissed Loomer, but she won't budge. Cookie says when people feel guilty about a secret, they're more likely to spill, especially to a psychologist.

Moze sees Seth and Coconut Head exchanging a written synopsis of the chapter Seth is supposed to read for a pair of tickets to a basketball game. Moze tells him he was supposed to read the chapter himself, but Seth reveals that he has trouble with reading and writing--he makes Moze swear not to tell anyone, claiming that he'll get kicked off the basketball team if he's found out to have been faking. Loomer's crony tries to tell him he's in the Sewing Club, but Gordy calls Loomer to the school psychologist's office on the PA system. Gordy leads Loomer to the main office, past the kid with sunglasses, into Crubbs' office, which Ned is using to pose as the school psychologist. Ned tells Loomer that keeping secrets is bad and the guilt will eat him up. Loomer says there's something he's been keeping a secret, and Ned tells him to go tell the school. Loomer runs out into the hall and admits to everyone that he's afraid of ghosts. Crony tries to tell Loomer he's in the Sewing Club again, but the fire alarm goes off before he can.

Moze is concerned about Seth and his situation and wants to help him with it. She's able to convince him to talk to Mr. Wright about his problem, and Mr. Wright promises not to tell anyone from basketball team about it if he sees a reading tutor. Moze offers to be Seth's reading tutor and Mr. Wright offers to help Seth with his writing, asking to meet with him after school.

Ned and Cookie try to scare Loomer into telling Suzie with a ghost apparition in his locker, but Loomer sees right through it. Loomer chases them around the school. When he catches up with them, the kid with sunglasses reveals he has a secret too. He pulls off his head and reveals himself to be Suzie. She says she knew Loomer was cheating on her and breaks up with him. Loomer says he'll stick with Missy, but she reveals that she was only dating him so her parents would send her to Paris for the summer, which they did. She breaks up with him, too. Loomer then reveals that he didn't really like either of them, and still likes Moze. Crony tries to say that he's in the Sewing Club again, but the bell rings and everyone leaves.


  • Tips#135.SCT - Don't tell people's secrets. It could get back to the wrong person.
  • Tips#142.TPT - If a secret is hurting a friend, don't be afraid to talk to your parents or a trusted teacher.
  • Tips#152.RS - Sometimes revealing your secret can make you feel better.

Part 2: School Car Wash

The seventh graders are holding a car wash to raise money. They split into teams: boys vs. girls, and whichever team washes the most cars by 3:00 gets to decide how to spend the money. The boys, overseen by Mr. Chopsaw, want to use the car wash money for a hot tub, but the girls, overseen by Coach Dirga, want to buy new sports uniforms. Loomer and his cronies keep splashing Ned and dumping water on him. The girls get the first car to wash, but Missy just wets it, saying "If it's wet, it's washed." Moze points out that just because it's wet that doesn't make it clean, and Missy says she can wash the cars herself.

The boys' first car to wash is Mr. Sweeney's. Sweeney leaves them his car to go run errands but tells them to be careful, since he's had this car since the 80's. Cookie accidentally grabs a hammer and smashes the windshield. Mr. Chopsaw says it's just a scratch, and to keep washing. Moze and Suzie see that Missy and her fellow cheerleaders aren't going help out. They need every girl to work if they're going to win, so they convince Missy to work and beat the guys. Missy agrees.

The girls have washed five cars and the guys have washed none. The boys are having a hard time cleaning the dirt off Sweeney's car. Cookie comes in with a solution he made that can eat through the toughest dirt. He pours it over the roof of the car, but it eats right through the metal. Mr. Chopsaw takes the car to fix it and tells the boys to keep washing. He crashes the car into something and Cookie goes to see if he needs any help. Mr. Chopsaw is wedged in between two telephone poles. When he manages to get out, one of the doors breaks off.

Meanwhile, the girls are working like a well-oiled machine but the boys are not. Loomer and his cronies are washing the cars with Coconut Head. The guys are down by seven cars, so Ned tries to get the rest of the guys to help. At first, none of them want to. But when Ned says they need to think of a way to slow down the girls, they get interested. Sweeney returns and sees the damage done to his car. Ned, Seth, and Coconut Head dress up as girls and work badly on purpose to slow the girls down. Suzie, Moze, and Missy notice and catch them.

There are 20 minutes left until 3:00 and the boys are dejected. Ned pumps them up and they start quickly washing car after car. By three, the boys and girls are tied at 21 cars each. Then the boys bring in Sweeney's car. Although it's a wreck, he admits it's clean and the boys win. Just then, just about all the cars they washed (including Crubbs') quickly turn up dirty. It turns out that the boys didn't really wash any of the cars, they just spread the dirt around. The girls win the car wash and help the boys clean up the dirty cars.


  • Tips#606.7CW - Always bring a spare set of clothes.
  • Tips#672.TFC - Have your school car wash where there's lots of traffic.
  • Tips#525.H20 - Keep dates flexible and watch for weather.
  • Tips#381.WCDEC - A wet car does not equal a clean car.


Guest starring



  • Seth's situation in "Secrets" implies that he may have some form of dyslexia.
    • For those who don't know what dyslexia is: "A general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters and other symbols, but that don't affect general intelligence."
  • Loomer is said to be cheating on Suzie with Missy, despite that Suzie broke up with Loomer two episodes ago. This is because this episode precedes "Spirit Week and Clothes" in production, where it's implied that Suzie and Loomer get back together.
  • One of the songs playing during the car wash episode is similar to the appropriately titled Rose Royce song "Car Wash".
  • The Secrets episode paid tribute to Scooby Doo, showing Ned and Cookie being chased around by Loomer while quirky music played. Lisa also lost her glasses (like Velma), and at the end Suzie was unmasked and said the famous line, "if it weren't for you meddling kids."


  • Cookie's cleaner burns a hole in the hood of Sweeney's car, but when Mr. Chopsaw tries to fix other damages on it, the hole is suddenly on the roof, and the hood is completely hole-free.

Season 2 Episodes
Guide to: The New Semester and ElectivesGuide to: Pep Rallies and LunchGuide to: School Clubs and Video ProjectsGuide to: Notebooks and MathGuide to: Vice Principals and MondaysGuide to: Your Body and ProcrastinationGuide to: Gross Biology Dissection and UpperclassmenGuide to: Dares and Bad HabitsGuide to: Substitute Teachers and The New KidGuide to: Valentine's Day and School WebsitesGuide to: Shyness and NicknamesGuide to: Asking Someone Out and RecyclingGuide to: April Fool's Day and ExcusesGuide to: Secrets and School Car WashGuide to: Spirit Week and ClothesGuide to: Yearbook and Career WeekGuide to: Music Class and Class ClownGuide to: Failing and TutorsGuide to: Science Fair and Study HallGuide to: Double Dating and The Last Day
Season 1Season 3
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