Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide Wiki
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide Wiki
Guide to: Seating and Tryouts
Seasons 1
Director Fred Savage
Previous Episode Guide to: Teachers and Detention
Next Episode Guide to: Crushes and Dances

"Guide to: Seating and Tryouts" is the fourth episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.


Part 1: Seating

Ned is envious of the kids who get to sit at the "cool table" at lunch, but there are never any seats available. He plans to get to the cafeteria and sit at the "cool table" first. Moze races to science class so she doesn't get stuck with the busted desk in the back of the room. When she gets there, the only other available seat is in the front row. Cookie has created a "Butt Bouncer", a pad with springs on the bottom, so he'll bounce higher when the school bus hits the pothole at the end of the school driveway. Moze tells Cookie he needs a bigger pothole for a bigger bounce, and rattles on about things she learned in science class.

The next day, Cookie gets Gordy to help him enlarge the pothole, and Gordy gives him a jackhammer. Ned, Cookie, and Moze make it to the "cool table" at lunch first, but the cool kids head for a table on the south side of the cafeteria. Neds decides to just sit at the "cool table", but Seth just leads him back to his table.Sweeney gives a pop quiz in science class, which Moze finds very easy. Gordy helps Cookie drill the pothole.

The next day at lunch, Ned creates his own super-awesome "cool table". He uses Loomer as a bouncer, in exchange that he and Moze can go swimming on Saturday. Loomer lets Suzie in but denies Seth entrance. Moze gets an A+ on her science pop quiz, and Sweeney decides to turn the class around, making the back row into the new front row, and leaving Moze in the back of the class. The enlarged pothole does create a bigger bounce on the bus, but it sends Gordy and Cookie crashing into the ceiling. Ned is denied entrance to his own "cool table", and sits with Lisa and Martin, actually having a good time. 


  • Tip#500.4 - If you want to sit at the cool table, just do it.
  • Tip#513.3 - Sit next to new people.
  • Tip#513.3-(con't) - TRY MOVING.
  • Tip#514.7 - Stay away from the window because the sun will fry you.
  • Tip#523.B - Stay away from sitting next to bullies.
  • Tip#334.3F - When you're sitting with your friends, you are at the cool table.

Part 2: Tryouts

Ned signs up to try out for the boys basketball team, since he grew two inches over the summer. Moze signs up for girls volleyball, girls basketball and girls cross country--but not cheerleading, mainly because Joy Dirga's the coach. Suzie comes up and signs up for cheerleading, saying she will be head cheerleader and that Moze wouldn't make the squad anyway. She's about to change her mind when Ned stops her, saying only a fool would sign up for something involving both Dirga and Suzie. Cookie then shows up and signs up for cheerleading as a way to meet girls.


Mr. Monroe's running boys basketball tryouts, and impresses everyone with how many baskets he makes. Moze rushes back and forth from her three different tryouts. Dirga kicks Cookie out of cheerleading tryouts. Ned proves to be pretty decent at basketball at first, but his shots end up being blocked by Seth. The next day, the list of second round cuts are posted. Ned and Moze each make the cut for their respective sports. Coconut Head, however, does not make the second round of basketball tryouts. Ned, feeling bad for him, encourages Coconut Head to keep practicing to improve and points out that he can always try out next year. Cookie doesn't make the cheerleading squad, and based on a joke from Ned, decides to hire Claire Sawyer, and "lawyer" his way into tryouts.

Ned puts on forty pairs of socks and extra big shoes to make himself taller. Moze can't choose between which sport to go with, which annoys Ned because he barely made the second round of boys basketball tryouts. He takes Moze's volleyball, basketball, and sneakers and throws them at her. She catches the volleyball and thinks that volleyball is the way to go. Cookie panics when he has to learn cheerleading moves by 3:15, since he doesn't know what they are. Moze offers to help him, showing her proficiency in cheerleading. Dirga and Suzie see Moze's cheerleading abilities, and Dirga offers her the head cheerleader spot. Moze tells Suzie she won't accept the offer and that she's sticking with volleyball, which Suzie wouldn't make anyway.

Ned has trouble maneuvering in his giant shoes and is exhausted by the end of the day. Suzie shows up at volleyball tryouts to show Moze up. Cookie's cheer tryouts start off good, but get worse as they progress. The next day, the final lists are posted. Moze is upset that she and Suzie are made volleyball co-captains. Cookie doesn't make the cheerleading squad, and decides to look into legal options, but Coach Dirga and even Claire Sawyer point out that while Cookie can't be refused just because he's a boy, he can be refused because he stinks (which he does). Ned doesn't make the boys basketball team, but he and Cookie keep practicing in hopes to get better and make the teams next year.


  • Tip#273.5L - Being first doesn't help your chances.
  • Tip#882.1-3 - Get the right equipment.
  • Tip#883.1 - Visualize like the pros.
  • Tip#883.2C - Make sure the coach notices you.
  • Tip#857.6 - Don't give up--just practice, get better (maybe taller), and try to make it next time.


  • At most schools, you can only be on one sports team per season.
  • It seems strange that Polk would have basketball as a fall sport, because at most schools, it's a winter sport.
  • At many schools with a cheerleading squad or dance team (or both), it's often required to have at least one boy on the team. If it's not required at the school-level, the rules for some of the competitions they may compete in may state that "all teams competing must have at least one male member."
  • Ned displays some hypocrisy as he encouraged Coconut Head to work harder at basketball and begged Cookie to give up on cheerleading.


Guest starring


Season 1 Episodes
Guide to: The First Day and LockersGuide to: Bathrooms and Project PartnersGuide to: Teachers and DetentionGuide to: Seating and TryoutsGuide to: Crushes and DancesGuide to: Sick Days and Spelling BeesGuide to: Rumors and Photo DayGuide to: Elections and Talent ShowGuide to: Computer Lab and BackpacksGuide to: Notes and Best FriendsGuide to: Daydreaming and GymGuide to: Cheaters and BulliesGuide to: Emergency Drills and Late Bus
Season 2Season 3

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