"Guide to: Health and Jealousy" is a season 3 episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.
Plot[]
Guide to: Health[]
When Mr. Monroe welcomes the students to his health class, they start giggling at the prospect of learning about the human body. He warns them they won't be laughing when they eventually get raging hormones, mood swings, body odors, and an embarrassing itch. Right then, Ned gets an embarrassing itch and Cookie shows up with mood swings. Mr. Monroe adds that everyone will learn CPR with Resusci-Larry, a very dirty dummy. The first person who practices on the dummy is Alan Alby, who performs mouth-to-mouth on the dummy in the middle of eating a sandwich, leaving gunky residue behind. Unfortunately, Ned is up next.
Moze refuses to put her lips on the dummy, so she enlists in Ned's help to break into the health class and give Resusci-Larry a makeover. Ned points out Cookie's mood swings to him. Cookie says he doesn't have mood swings, but he still has a meeting with Mr. Monroe. Ned's embarrassing itch returns, and he runs off to the bathroom. When he gets out, he's late for class and caught by Sweeney, who warns him not to be late for science.
Ned and Moze are in the health classroom undressing the dummy and putting him in Faymen's clothes. In the middle of buttoning up the shirt on the dummy, he presses on the dummy's chest from behind, causing something to shoot out of his mouth, and Ned remarks that he's learned the Heimlich maneuver. Meanwhile, in Cookie's meeting with Mr. Monroe, he wonders if he's going crazy. Mr. Monroe assures him that mood swings are normal at his age, and it could be caused by skipping breakfast. Cookie says he did skip breakfast this morning because he was running late, so Mr. Monroe gives him a tray of breakfast foods.
Moze and Ned have finished giving Resusci-Larry's makeover; he's clean and all ready for class. As they're trying to put the dummy back on the table, Ned's itch returns, causing him to fling the dummy out of the open window. Cookie is still eating breakfast in Mr. Monroe's office, and sees the dummy fall, thinking it's a real person. Ned and Moze run down to retrieve the dummy, but Ned has to run back to the bathroom, leaving Moze to get the dummy herself. Cookie sees Moze drag the dummy away and recognizes the clothes the dummy is wearing, and thinks the dummy is actually Faymen.
Ned can't get rid of his itch, so he asks Mr. Monroe for advice. Mr. Monroe mentions talcum powder, so Ned rushes off to find some. Moze stashes Resusci-Larry in Gordy's closet so she can rinse his mouth with mouthwash, but this causes the dummy to short-circuit. Gordy and Moze decide to just sneak him back into the health classroom, and no one will know she did anything. Ned runs into the science room to find talcum powder. He winds up wrestling Sweeney for the talcum powder and spraying him with it and being sent to the office.
Moze and Gordy are caught carrying Larry to the classroom by Mr. Monroe, who admits he hates the dummy too, but the school won't give him the funds for a new one. He's tried throwing him out, but it's always been returned, so Gordy returns with shovels and suggests burying it so no one can find it again. Cookie finds Ned in the office and tells him about Moze dragging a body from the courtyard. Ned says he's the one who threw him out the window. Cookie goes to find Mr. Monroe to tell him about what he saw but instead finds Mr. Monroe with Moze and Gordy burying the dummy. Cookie still thinks it's Faymen and passes out.
Ned it still itchy waiting in the office, so he tries to run for the bathroom again but is caught by Sweeney. Ned realizes Sweeney's choking and gives him the Heimlich. Ned tells Sweeney about his embarrassing itch, and Sweeney understands. He gives Ned the talcum powder and additional instructions on how to prevent the itch in the future. And he also thanks Ned for saving his life. Cookie confronts Moze, Gordy, and Mr. Monroe, who all reveal to Cookie that the body really is Resusci-Larry. Ned doesn't itch anymore, but during the next Health class, he turns out to have body odor.
Tips[]
- Tip#616.HL - More than a class, Health is a lifesaver.
Guide to: Jealousy[]
After Missy yet again forced Ned to kiss her, she starts acting like his girlfriend and gets extremely clingy and possessive of him, scaring other girls away from him, even creating a "no flirting with Ned zone" around his locker. Ned realizes the only girl allowed in the zone is Moze, so he convinces her to be his fake girlfriend to get Missy to stop. Moze brings up Faymen, but Ned isn't worried, saying that Faymen isn't the jealous type. When Ned gives Moze a peck on the cheek, she feels fireworks again and agrees to the plan.
Cookie decides to try to make Lisa jealous, so she'll want to date him. Cookie waits outside Lisa's class and pretends to talk on the phone to an imaginary girlfriend. Cookie remarks to himself that this "new girlfriend" is making someone very jealous. Turns out, he's right, but that "someone" is actually Evelyn.
While Moze is mulling over Ned's plan to be fake boyfriend and girlfriend, Seth comes up to her and asks how she can date Faymen instead of him. Moze reminds Seth that he said they needed time off eight months ago. When Faymen shows up, Seth challenges him to a fight, and smacks him with a glove. Faymen says he is the jealous type, produces his own glove, and smacks Seth back, causing the two to fight with just the gloves. Moze tries to break it up, but it turns into a jousting competition between both boys, and they just crash into each other.
When Ned intentionally sits at a table with other girls, Missy marches right up to them, causing the girls to run off. Before she can kiss him, Ned tells Missy he found someone else, and Moze comes right up and hugs him. Missy says that 93% of middle school relationships fail within the first 24 hours, according to Teen Scene magazine. So Missy says she'll watch Ned and Moze for 24 hours to see if their relationship stays intact.
Cookie pastes love notes and flowers all over his locker from his fake girlfriend and feigns surprise in front of Lisa when he sees them. He tells Lisa his girlfriend has long dark hair, is very smart and mysterious. Lisa wants to meet her, so Cookie says he'll bring her to lunch tomorrow. After Lisa leaves, he realizes what he's just agreed to. Behind him, Evelyn is seething with jealousy, and eats the flowers pasted on Cookie's locker.
Ned has Moze look very lovingly at him when Missy shows up, but she's not buying their relationship since they're not kissing. Ned is nervously about to go in for a kiss when Moze just grabs him and kisses him first. Missy is surprised, but angrily says the 24 hours aren't up yet, and leaves in a huff. Ned is also surprised by the kiss. He asks Moze how she and Faymen are doing. Moze sees Faymen and Seth wrestling in giant sumo costumes, only for them to be interrupted by Loomer, who also wants to fight for Moze's honor.
The next day, Cookie tries to get Moze to be his fake girlfriend to make Lisa jealous, but she's already fake dating Ned. Missy marches up to Ned and Moze, and her clock goes off, signaling the end of the 24 hours. Missy gives up on Ned and leaves. Ned and Moze realize they don't have to pretend date anymore, but when they discuss a pretend break-up, Missy overhears and drags Ned away with her. At lunch, Missy makes Ned wear a shirt that says "Back off! I'm with Missy!" to repel other girls, making Moze seethe with jealousy.
Cookie goes to Gordy for help, who offers up Resusci-Larry that they can disguise as a girl. But Cookie doesn't like Gordy's finished product, knowing it won't fool anyone. However, it fooled Evelyn, who tackles the dummy and takes the empty seat across from Cookie. Lisa sees Cookie and Evelyn together, and Cookie confirms Evelyn is his girlfriend, much to Evelyn's delight. He asks Lisa if she's jealous, but Lisa says she's not the jealous type. After she leaves, Evelyn pulls Cookie in and kisses him.
Moze yells at Missy to stay away from Ned and tackles her. After tearing Missy's shirt off of Ned, Missy is convinced that Ned and Moze are really together and officially gives up on Ned. Ned hugs her happily, just as Moze sees Faymen still fighting with Seth and Loomer. The three of them see her hugging Ned, and he runs away from them.
Tips[]
- Tip#152.BCGNJ - Be confident, be grateful, not jealous.
- Tip#152.BCGNJ.2 - Control jealousy, don't let it control you.
Cast[]
Starring[]
- Devon Werkheiser as Ned Bigby
- Lindsey Shaw as Moze
- Daniel Curtis Lee as Cookie
- Daran Norris as Gordy
Co-starring[]
Trivia[]
- This episode marks the last appearance of Mr. Monroe.
- The second part of this episode is a follow-up to the first part of Guide to: Spring Fever and School Newspaper due to the fact that Missy kept all other girls away from Ned after she passionately kissed Ned on the lips in the latter episode.