|Guide to: Failing and Tutors|
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"Guide to: Failing and Tutors" is a season 2 episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.
Part 1: Failing
Ned and Cookie have appointments with Mrs. Splitz, the guidance counselor. They're both a little afraid of her, since she has a tendency to yell. Ned pushes Cookie through the door first. Mrs. Splitz says that Cookie's grades have been so great, he's being recommended to skip eighth grade and go straight to high school. Cookie isn't as thrilled as she is and walks out of her office a little stunned. Ned says he didn't hear any yelling, so he goes right into her office. Mrs. Splitz, dressed as a drill sergeant, tells Ned he's failing and will have to repeat the seventh grade if he doesn't show major improvements.
Moze tells Ned to cut out the video games, get a day planner, and plan more study time. Ned just gives her a blank look, so she sarcastically says to use her magic pyramid to get all the answers. Mr. Wright stops by to give Moze a quiz back, and she's shocked to find out she got an F. Moze looks through her day planner and realizes she forgot to plan time to study, which is why she failed. Ned looks at her day planner and sees how everything is planned out, including time set aside to organize her sock drawer. Cookie needs a way to not go to high school, so Moze sarcastically suggests he flunk everything like Ned.
Ned actually uses the magic pyramid to answer questions on a quiz. Mrs. Splitz is peering through the window disguised as a janitor and taking notes on Ned's approach to schoolwork. Cookie deliberately answers questions wrong and goofs off in class. Ned gets a B on his quiz, and Moze has cut down on idle chit-chat to make more time for studying. Mrs. Splitz, in another disguise, finds Ned in the hallway and smashes the magic pyramid. She tells him he needs to actually work if he wants to make it to eighth grade.
The next day, Moze hasn't changed or showered so she can study more. She also quits the volleyball team. Cookie sits one part of a three part final in Mr. Wright's class, where the essay is worth 20% of the exam grade. His essay just says "farts" over and over again. At lunch, Ned asks Lunch Lady to read his beans to see if he'll pass his social studies final. Since she's not serving beans, she reads the corn, and tells him he's going to fail, but he will kiss his true love at a dance soon. Ned is about to lose hope when Lunch Lady says Ned can control his future any way he wants to. She tells him to get organized and put his head in his books. She also sarcastically adds to get some lucky charms and have a leprechaun dance around him during the test. Ned gets some lucky charms and gets Palmer Noid, the fifth grader he'd shown around school, to dress like a leprechaun and dance around him.
Moze bumps into Mr. Wright while she's busy studying and he tells her he's quitting because he failed her. He doesn't think he has what it takes to be a teacher if his best student got an F. Moze tries to calm him down by saying it was just one "F" and it's not the end of the world. Mr. Wright feeds that right back to her, tells her to re-join the volleyball team, and to not overreact to one failure. Ned and Cookie have appointments with Mrs. Splitz again. Cookie tells her he doesn't want to go to high school. Mrs. Splitz says if he didn't want to, all he had to do was say so. When Ned goes in, she's back to her drill sergeant self, telling Ned to buckle down and study for his social studies final so he can pass seventh grade. Ned ends up getting an A on his final.
- Tip#307.DOR - If you're failing, don't overreact.
- Tip#370.TSD - If you're failing, try something different.
- Tip#370.STF - Talk to your guidance counselor to help you from failing.
Part 2: Tutors
While Ned's grades as a whole were good enough to get him to eighth grade, his science grade lands him in summer school. Sweeney says he can avoid it if he aces the final exam, but Ned would need to sign up for a student tutor. Moze is tutoring a sixth grader in math. Ned's tutor is Lance Widget, who yells at him when he can't understand what Lance considers basic stuff. Cookie has an end-of-the-year project in Mr. Wright's class to come up with an innovative way to help the community. He tells everyone to partner up, and Cookie is stuck with Timmy Toot-Toot as his partner.
Ned is sick of Lance yelling at him, so he signs up for a different tutor. Toby, the sixth grader Moze is tutoring seems to have a crush on her and isn't focused on the work. Ned's new tutor is Martha, who's a bit of a chatterbox. Ned finds out she's Martin Qwerly's sister and quickly leaves to get a new tutor, leaving a cardboard cut out of him behind. Ned tells Sweeney about his tutor problem, and Sweeney says it's easy blaming others. Sweeney gives Ned a practice exam.
The next day, Cookie has come up with an idea for his end-of-the-year project with Timmy: a gas lamp. However, Timmy farts directly in front of an open flame, causing a minor explosion. Moze discovers several extra sixth grade boys in her tutoring session. Toby said he told them all what a great tutor she is and they need help with Spanish, despite that Moze is tutoring him in math. But they all have the same problem as Toby: they're too busy staring at Moze to focus on the work. Jock Goldman is Ned's new tutor, saying that no friend of Moze's is going to summer school, but he wants to know if she's still mad at him. Jock offers to just give Ned the answers and help him win Moze over.
The boys Moze is tutoring are now following her around all day. Crubbs tells Moze that the boys she's tutoring aren't doing well in class. Crubbs tries to fire Moze from being a tutor, but she asks for a second chance, since she's a tutor and can solve problems. Cookie is having trouble with his project with Timmy. Mr. Wright tells him to use what he has, which gives Cookie an idea. Him and Timmy attempt to steal beans from the cafeteria. When the lunch lady confronts them, Cookie tells Timmy to get rid of her, and allows Timmy to blast. Timmy blasts a powerful fart towards her, allowing them to steal the beans. The two high-five, but quickly run away due to the stench of Timmy's super-fart. Ned hangs out with Jock and his friends, but still hasn't learned anything since Jock did Ned's practice test for him. Ned realizes that Jock is tutoring him to get to Moze. Sweeney walks by and Ned tells him it's hopeless, that he won't find a tutor. Sweeney says he knows a good tutor who could help, and tells Ned to go to room 222 at 3:00.
Cookie sits with Timmy while he eats his beans. Cookie thinks it's tough to constantly fart like that, but Timmy says it's a superpower. Moze finds a way to get the boys' attention, by looking hideous while she tutors them. The boys all keep their eyes on their notebooks so they don't have to look at her. Ned thinks her look is perfect because Jock wants to ask her out. When Jock is about to ask her out, she says no before he even finishes his sentence. Jock still thinks she looks pretty.
Cookie puts Timmy in a special suit and hooks him up to a lawnmower so that it's powered by Timmy's farts. The lawnmower successfully starts, but the valve is clogged and Timmy can't control his farts, causing the lawnmower to break down. The entire class runs out, including Cookie. When Ned goes to room 222, he finds out Sweeney is his new tutor. Their session barely starts when Timmy's suit finally explodes and the whole school runs for it.
- Tip#371.AYT - Ask your teacher about other tutor options.
- Tip#371.ANT - Don't be afraid to ask for a new tutor.
- Tip#371.BEWR - Beware of tutors who do the work for you.
- Melissa Peterman as Mrs. Splitz
- The magic pyramid is a parody of the Magic 8-Ball.
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