Guide to: Cell Phones and Woodshop
Seasons 3
Director David Kendall
Previous Episode Guide to: Boys and Girls
Next Episode Guide to: Getting Organized and Extra Credit
"Guide to: Cell Phones and Woodshop" is a season 3 episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.


Part 1: Cell Phones

Coutinuing from the previous episode, Ned puts together a schedule so he can call Suzie. Moze gets a new, more advanced phone, because she is tired of having the oldest phone in school, but she has no idea how it works. She gets a two hundred minute plan for it, because she doesn't want her cell phone to take over her life. Meanwhile Cookie wears a jacket with thirty-three cellphones attached to it, in hopes of winning a sports car in a radio contest. Suzie calls Ned just as he's walking into science class. Suzie asks Ned if he wants her to come back into town on Saturday for a movie just as Sweeney tells Ned to put his phone away. He tries to take Ned's phone, but Ned protests and yells at Sweeney to leave him alone, making Suzie think he was talking to her.

Meanwhile, Moze is having trouble with her phone and does not know how to use it. Cookie asks for the bathroom pass in class and tries to win the car while in there. Moze has trouble putting Faymen's number on her speed dial, so Martin gives her a hand, yammering away while he helps. Ned gets his phone back from Sweeney and Cookie calls him from the bathroom, asking Ned to bring him a cushion and some snacks while he waits for the radio contest to start. Ned obliges then calls Suzie, telling her what he said before was a misunderstanding. She then asks him again of he wants her to see a movie with him on Saturday. At that moment Moze, who is busy working her phone, trips falls down the stairs and Ned shouts, "NO!" right before she falls on top of him. His phone is broken by the impact of him falling. Suzie thinks he's talking to her again and gets more annoyed.

Ned makes Moze hand her phone over, then informs Moze that she has been on a video call for 197 minutes. Moze angrily asked who talked that long without talking back and found out it was Martin. Realizing she only has three minutes left she decides to save them for an emergency. Ned goes to Cookie and asks for one of his phones. He refuses and Ned tries to take it from him. They fight over it and end up in Sweeney's classroom, who takes all of Cookie's cellphones. Ned managed to steal one and promises that he'll help Cookie get the rest back if he lets him call Suzie.

Moze's phone goes off in the middle of class and she can't get it to shut off. Frustrated, she throws the phone out into the hallway and accidentally hits Faymen. He calls Suzie and tries to explain everything but hits a dead spot with Suzy unable to understand her. Ned tells her he's breaking up and Suzie thinks he said he's breaking up with her and hangs up. Ned then gets Moze to help him and Cookie break into Sweeney's room and lock him out. The contest starts and they press "one" on all the phones. One of the phones wins and Cookie tells the radio announcer that he's a student from James K. Polk Middle School. The announcer then tells him that he has to be 18 or older to play and hangs up. Sweeney manages to get in and tells them he'll decide their punishment later.

After school, Moze gives Ned her old phone and lets her use her last three minutes to call Suzy. Ned explains everything and Suzie believes him but tells him that if he ever hangs up on her again then their through. Moze's phone's battery dies right after she said that and Suzie says "That's it, we're through." Ned asks if this day can get any worse and Sweeney shows up. He tells them he's letting them off the hook because they learned that cellphones can be good but should only be used for emergencies and that there are some advantages to them. Cookie asks him what they are and Sweeney says "speed dial" and reveals that he won the sports car that Cookie wanted, leaving the three friends, especially Cookie, shocked and upset.


  • Tip#302.NLP - Never look at your phone when you should be looking at something else.
  • Tip#302.CUEN - Charge up every night, because you never want a cell phone breakdown during an emergency.

Part 2: Woodshop

After what happened in the previous episode, Ned is determined to keep his relationship with Suzie stronger. In art class, Ned makes a (very misshapen) kitty for Suzie out of clay. Ned puts it in the kiln, and Cookie asks if he pressed all the air bubbles out of the clay. Ned says no, but isn't concerned, until the kiln explodes. Until the art class is rebuilt, Crubbs tells them they have to take another elective.

Ned and Cookie reluctantly pick woodshop. Mr. Chopsaw says to be careful and treat the tools like family, calling them all by names. Cookie notices a saw in a cage, but Mr. Chopsaw tells him to leave it alone, saying that "Christine" is a bad saw. Ned tries to build a kitty mansion for Suzie. He mentions his girlfriend to Chopsaw, and he thinks Ned's talking about Moze, since Moze apparently talks about him all the time. He thinks they make a cute pair, saying that he has a gift for sensing these things.

Moze tells Ned to start small on his first project. Ned tells her he can handle it and is great with tools, then he saws through Moze's dowels. Cookie doesn't think "Christine" looks so bad, and takes her out of the cage. He goes to fetch his goggles but "Christine" goes off on her own. Ned sees Chopsaw talking to Moze in the hall, saying he can sense these things, it's a gift. Moze asks, "But what if he doesn't like me?" Ned immediately thinks Moze is talking about him. Chopsaw says he'll fall for Moze and they walk off together. Cookie finds "Christine" in the hallway and tries to take her back to woodshop, but "Christine" chases him down the hall. He locks himself in a classroom but "Christine" begins to saw her way through the door.

The next day, Moze is being friendly with Ned, but he's still on edge from thinking Moze likes him. He asks Moze if her secret project is for someone special, like Faymen. She says yes, but it's not for Faymen, making Ned more nervous. Cookie takes a sledgehammer to destroy "Christine" and Ned goes to eavesdrop on Moze's conversation with Chopsaw, thinking they're talking about him. Turns out that Chopsaw and Moze are talking about a wood-working competition, and the "he" from the previous conversation is a judge who's coming to look at her rocking chair. Chopsaw encourages Moze to talk about the rocking chair as if it were a person, more specifically, a "he". He makes Moze tell she chair she loves "him". Ned overhears the last part and runs to Gordy for help.

Gordy goes to talk to Moze for Ned, but the conversation is still pretty vague. The only thing that sticks out is Moze saying she'll find out at three o'clock if everything will work out. Gordy runs to tell Ned that Moze is going to tell him she likes him at three. Ned is desperate for help so Gordy tells him to make her a gift, something from the heart. Ned thinks he can give the kitty mansion he was making for Suzie to Moze instead. Gordy tosses it at the wall and takes Ned to get flowers. Cookie starts patrolling the hall with the sledgehammer, looking for "Christine". She chases him into a corner and Dr. Lowe notices. He tries to help Cookie with his "phobia of woodshop", and picks up "Christine" without getting hurt. He calls "Christine" a dumb hunk of plastic and "Christine" turns on and revs angrily. Dr. Lowe loses control and drops "Christine". They both get chased down the hall.

Cookie and Dr. Lowe run into the woodshop classroom and Cookie tries to fend "Christine" off with Moze's rocking chair before Dr. Lowe finally smashes it with the sledgehammer. Chopsaw walks in and sees the saw smashed in pieces. He explains that the saw was a defective cordless saw that started up on its own, and he was going to take it back to the store for a refund. Ned gives Moze flowers and Moze shows him the rocking chair, and says she hopes the judge likes it. The judge comes in to examine Moze's chair. Ned finally figures out what she and Chopsaw were talking about, and backtracks, saying that the flowers are to cheer her up. The judge sits on the chair, but the gashes on the bottom from when Cookie was fending off "Christine" cause the chair to give away. Moze thinks Ned had something to do with it, since he gave her flowers to cheer her up. Ned runs and Moze chases after him.


Guest starring


Season 3 Episodes
Guide to: A New Grade and DodgeballGuide to: Reading and PrincipalsGuide to: Popularity and Stressin' OutGuide to: Dismissal and The School PlayGuide to: Halloween and Vampires, Ghosts, Werewolves & ZombiesGuide to: Art Class and Lost & FoundGuide to: Social Studies and EmbarrassmentGuide to: The Bus and Bad Hair DaysGuide to: Revenge and School RecordsGuide to: The Library and VolunteeringGuide to: Hallways and Friends MovingGuide to: Boys and GirlsGuide to: Cell Phones and WoodshopGuide to: Getting Organized and Extra CreditGuide to: Fundraising and CompetitionGuide to: Making New Friends and Positives & NegativesGuide to: Money and PartiesGuide to: Spring Fever and School NewspaperGuide to: Health and JealousyGuide to: Tests and When You Like Someone Who Is Going Out With Someone ElseGuide to: Field Trips, Permission Slips, Signs, and Weasels
Season 1Season 2

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