|Guide to: A New Grade and Dodgeball|
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"Guide to: A New Grade and Dodgeball" is the first episode of season 3 of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.
Part 1: A New Grade
Cookie has gotten his braces off over the summer. A brand new Lisa Zemo shows up, having gotten her braces off, contact lenses, new allergy medication, a new hairstyle, and new clothes. Cookie stares at her, dumbfounded, and Lisa walks away. Cookie's "new grade" resolution is to get to know the new Lisa. Moze's "new grade" resolution is to be nicer, since she's been known to be overly aggressive. Ned's "new grade" resolution is to be tougher, and he shows that when he accidentally beats up Loomer.
Ned hides from Loomer the rest of the day. He tries to make new friends but they're all afraid of him because he beat up Loomer. Loomer finds Ned and is about to beat him up when he slips on a puddle of water and falls down in front of him. Ned had started cowering in preparation for his beating, with his fists up by his face. People see Loomer on the ground and Ned's fists in the air and assume Ned beat him up again. Suzie is disappointed with him. Cookie sees the other guys literally throwing themselves at Lisa. Gordy wants Cookie to hack into the school system to help him download movies on the Internet and slack off more this year. Cookie says no, as he's dealing with his feelings for Lisa, and Crubbs changed the passwords. Gordy makes him help anyway.
Crubbs hears about Ned beating Loomer up and gives him a warning. Ned, in his frustration, accidentally beats a few more kids up. Moze is off to meet her new English teacher and is determined to like her. Her teacher is a woman on a computer screen who is broadcasting from her house. She assigns her class a 5-page essay on why they hate summer. Moze raises her hand and tries to get her to start off a little lighter. iTeacher knows who she is and plainly states that Moze will not win her over. Gordy stages a plan, where he'll wheel Cookie, in a garbage can, into Crubbs' office so Cookie can connect to Crubbs' laptop and get the new passwords. Then, Crubbs pops out of the garbage can, having overheard the plan, and decides to keep his laptop with him at all time.
At lunch, Moze says she doesn't like iTeacher. Martin, Coconut Head, and Lisa are about to sit at their table, but they're also afraid of Ned and run off. Moze tells Ned he needs to stop beating people up, and she has to survive "that freak" for a year. iTeacher has been steered around school to the cafeteria and has been listening the whole time. She asks to be rolled forward to get in Moze's face, but Moze unplugs the computer. Ned decides to stop being tough and be super nice. He tries just saying "hi" to people in the courtyard but swats at a bee and "beats up" a few more people. Suzie's now scared of him, and Crubbs hauls him to the school shrink. Ned tries to convince Mr. Lowe that he's a nice person, but he doesn't believe him.
Gordy tries to connect Cookie's laptop to Crubbs' by attaching the Ethernet cable to an arrow and shooting it into the port. Cookie sees Lisa walking by and bumps into Gordy, causing him to shoot Crubbs in the butt. He and Cookie run for it. Moze talks with Mr. Wright in the office and says she doesn't like iTeacher. Mr. Wright reminds her she didn't like him at the beginning of last year, and bonding with teachers takes time. He says iTeacher is probably nervous about the new year. iTeacher shows up on a monitor and hears them talking about her, so they run for it.
Ned bumps into Loomer in the hallway. Loomer hates that he's now afraid of Ned and Ned hates that everyone's afraid of him. The two of them plan to fix this. Moze is working in study hall when she's approached by iTeacher, who apologizes. She says she made a "new grade" resolution to not be scared of her students but wound up scaring them instead. She knew how tough Moze was and wasn't going to take it. Cookie finds iTeacher and looks for her Ethernet cable but doesn't find one. He asks how she can be online, and she says she has access through the school's wireless chat server. Cookie gets an idea. Gordy makes a cardboard cutout of the superintendent and webchats with Crubbs to get the password through him directly. They successfully get the password from Crubbs: "Flamingo."
In the courtyard, Ned tries to make it look like Loomer beat him up. But Loomer bonks his head on the metal table and falls just as Moze walks by. Ned tells her he's sick of being tough, and pulls Loomer to his feet. He tells Loomer to beat him up right now before everyone gets out of class. Loomer is afraid to do it, so Moze punches Ned and arranges Loomer's face and hands to make it look like he did it. Loomer is hauled to the school shrink by Crubbs. Ned gets his former reputation back and Suzie likes him again. Gordy downloads a few movies and Cookie and Lisa, and several other guys, watch with him in his closet. Moze shows iTeacher around the school to be nicer. Ned, Moze and Cookie aren't scared of the 8th grade anymore, at least until they learn the Mr. Sweeney is going to be their science teacher for the third year in a row.
- Tip#116.NGR - Make "new grade" resolutions.
- Tip#305.BNF - New grades are better with new friends.
- Tip#371.NGR - Stick with your new grade resolutions.
- Tip#370.DJNT - Don't judge a new teacher by their first day.
Part 2: Dodgeball
It's a stormy day at James K. Polk Middle School, which means the students have to have gym inside, and today they're going to play dodgeball, which Loomer and his cronies are excited about, and even begin pelting people with dodgeballs in the hallways. They have been known to rule the court. Coach Dirga makes Ned the captain of his team and shows him a ball with the word "FORCE" on it but she says Ned isn't ready for it. Ned tries to get Moze to play, but she won't, and she won't tell him why. Cookie builds a helmet to secretly video tape the horrors of dodgeball and have it banned from school. Ned gets other people to convince Moze to play. Moze finally explains she doesn't want to play dodgeball: during the last time she played dodgeball, she hit Coconut Head in the face, giving him a bloody nose and knocking out some of his teeth. Since then, Moze has sworn never to play dodgeball again, to not risk hurting anyone. Ned tries to convince her it was just an accident, but she still refuses to play.
Loomer pelts another kid with a dodgeball, which bounces off and hits Cookie's helmet, destroying it. Cookie gets mad, so he throws the ball back and knocks Crony out. Loomer then gets Cookie to join his side. When it's time to play dodgeball, Ned says he still picked Moze for his team. Moze brought a book so she could read instead of play. Cookie arrives on Loomer's team, decked out in black and wearing his helmet. When the game starts, Moze deliberately gets hit and sits out. Ned catches a ball and brings Moze back in the game. She deliberately gets hit again and sits out. Stu drops his glasses during the game and while he's crawling around the gym floor looking for them, Cookie approaches. Loomer tells him to finish him, but Cookie says he can't see. Loomer tells him he must show no mercy, and Cookie eliminates him.
Coconut Head and Martin give balls to Seth since he is the best player. They perform the Lob and Drill, where one player throws a ball high in the air and another player throws a ball at the person who will catch the first ball, then get eliminated after that. Loomer's team goes on an elimination spree, getting almost the whole team out. Coconut Head's nose is bleeding, but Moze says he didn't get hit in the face. Coconut Head explains to her that his body produces too much blood, and that he's been suffering from chronic nosebleeds since he was really little. Coconut Head then spits out a couple of white rectangles, which turn out to be breath mints. This makes Moze realize that she's never given Coconut Head a nosebleed or knocked any of his teeth (but Coconut Head that Loomer's done that to him). Seth then gets out, and Ned is the only one left on his team.
Ned dives for a ball but Cookie gets there first. Cookie is about to eliminate him and Loomer eggs him on, but then Cookie has a flashback of their good times. Cookie drops the ball and Ned catches it, so Cookie's out. Ned then has to bring one player back from his team, and Moze is finally in. Loomer says there's only two left and one of them's a girl. Crony adds, "And the other one's Mosely." Coach Dirga then tells Moze to use the force, and hands her the "FORCE" ball. Moze throws it, and it misses, but it bounce off the walls and hits the three players left on Loomer's team. Dirga says she knew it was going to be a great day, but then she gets hit by the ball. The people pick up Ned and Moze, and carry them out of the gym, but Ned hits his head on the door frame. It stops raining outside and the sun comes out.
- Tip#796.SIG - Stay elusive, stay in the game.
- Tip#796.EBBT - Feed the balls to your best throwers.
- Tip#796.ULDA - Utilize the Lob and Drill attack.
- The way Cookie entered with Loomer's team and Coach Dirga telling Moze to use the force are all references to Star Wars. The music that played when Cookie walked in was similar to the "Imperial March", which was Darth Vader's theme.